Struggling with Goodbye.

Would you be able to say goodbye to someone and leave knowing you will never see or speak to that person again? In the book I am reading the young son of only 11 I think has to do just that. He hugs his dad for the very last time and he is forced to leave. On the dads side I couldn't imagine the pain of the realization of holding his son for the very last time. See the dad is dieing on cancer, he will never see his son again. When I think of this I cant help but break down and sob. For me saying goodbye and leaving would be the hardest thing in the world. I honestly do not think I would be able to do so.

I am paralyzed at the thought of having to do this one day and am reminded of how hard it was to watch my papa die right in front of me. Not really being able to say my goodbye or accept the fact that he would never come out of this. I was away when they put him on the breathing machine. The last time I ever spoke to him and hugged and kissed him was Easter and I remember how frail he looked but I honestly thought he would be able to recover and be back to his old self in no time. Everyone thought this. I remember finding out what was going on through a facebook status and how scared I was think what might be the out come of this.Finally getting home and seeing his condition just broke my heart because I knew this was it. We all got our time to say our goodbyes and give our last hugs. The next 7 hours were the hardest and longest hours of my life.

We all sat there and watched my papa take his last breaths completely helpless and conscious of what was inevitable. I tried to be strong and supportive because i knew this was even harder for my Nannie and my dad and aunt. I still find it extremely hard to accept that he is gone and i will never see him again. Part of me wishes I knew ahead of time what the future would bring because when i would have said my final goodbye i would have studied every little detail. I would have studied ever detail of the last year.

I know you shouldn't dwell on the past and there was nothing that could have been done but i just cannot help it. i wish i was there to really say goodbye and let him know how much i loved him and how much he would be missed. Not a day goes by that i am not reminded of him and smile. I just really wish i could have given him one last hug and really say my goodbyes.