where did i go

where did i go i feel like ive made a complete 360. Ive definately been here before and i am really not a fan of this return. why cant i just go back to how i use to be i was happy and at ease. unfortunately i am a wreck. I continue to do things that are harmful and i wish i could stop. i want these thoughts to go away and I want to just be completely happy again. I feel like i have no one and that makes it worse I dont kno who to turn too because everyone has let me down. I cannot take anymore stabs to the back i already feel like swiss chesse i want to beable to let go and open up to the ones i care fore but i cannot handle another let down. I dont kno what id do.