Silent Tears

So it seems that I will be crying myself to sleep for like the 4th time this week and its really starting to annoy me. There are just so many emotions that I feel daily and sometimes it doesn't seem normal. Silent tears are the only way I have been expressing myself l8ly and it makes me feel week. I hate crying n usually I never cry (well unless its a sappy movie). I never cry because I never use to get o down I use to be an extremely happy person sometimes ever overly happy about pretty much everything. And Now for some reason that all has changed and I hate it. I would give anything to get my old self back. I feel like I take 3 steps forward and 5 steps back and sometimes I think I will never escape this cycle of lows. I wish I was able to openly express my self but I just cant. Only thru my silent tears do I ever feel any relief and yet at the same time the tears anger me. I have no idea what to do and desperately wanna find a way out.

OK Seriously...WFT

Ok one of my biggest pet peves n annoyances is when ur suppose to be hanging out with someone n its like hangint out with a wall. You say ur coming over n like the entire time ur on my efing computer. I would speak n seriously nothing in responce. Excelent conversational skills like seriously WTF. Honestly i would have been completely fine with out you here i was paractically talking n hangint out with my self any ways. Ugh irritating. At least for once it wasnt the txtn but come on the next time you wanna hang out with a computer go the fuck home. like seriously WTF.

It's Easter

It's Easter!!!! HOnestly I use to love easter cux everything from now till summer goes by super fast. Well today is very different. I am not enjoying theis holiday and it finally bubbled to the surface. I sit here crying for so many reasons its really hard to keeptrack of them all. I feel alone and i kinda wanna just runaway. I am not looking fwd to the next month or so due to the constantly growing list of shit I have to do. I seriously wish i could rewind the clock n go back to when I was younger and the only thing I worried aobut was what Easter dress to wear and happy about the coming months n excited for whats to come. I would give anything to just go back n relive it all. every little bit from egg hunts to church to every family meal and soak in every emotion and detail i possibly. And to just relive the days when I had no worrys or concerns and appreciate it. WHen life was simple and the only thing that changed was the weather. BOy do I miss it all.