Silent Tears

So it seems that I will be crying myself to sleep for like the 4th time this week and its really starting to annoy me. There are just so many emotions that I feel daily and sometimes it doesn't seem normal. Silent tears are the only way I have been expressing myself l8ly and it makes me feel week. I hate crying n usually I never cry (well unless its a sappy movie). I never cry because I never use to get o down I use to be an extremely happy person sometimes ever overly happy about pretty much everything. And Now for some reason that all has changed and I hate it. I would give anything to get my old self back. I feel like I take 3 steps forward and 5 steps back and sometimes I think I will never escape this cycle of lows. I wish I was able to openly express my self but I just cant. Only thru my silent tears do I ever feel any relief and yet at the same time the tears anger me. I have no idea what to do and desperately wanna find a way out.