where did i go

where did i go i feel like ive made a complete 360. Ive definately been here before and i am really not a fan of this return. why cant i just go back to how i use to be i was happy and at ease. unfortunately i am a wreck. I continue to do things that are harmful and i wish i could stop. i want these thoughts to go away and I want to just be completely happy again. I feel like i have no one and that makes it worse I dont kno who to turn too because everyone has let me down. I cannot take anymore stabs to the back i already feel like swiss chesse i want to beable to let go and open up to the ones i care fore but i cannot handle another let down. I dont kno what id do.

Her Bliss

Death is in the flower's heart –
Why to cry for life of any petal?

Death in purple ink of weary pens
Betrays the written yearnings
On her scented paper.

Death is laughing in her cry;
Her broken heart forlorn upon the sleeve.

Death ignores the plight of any purity –
He doesn’t care or seem to be aware of
What her dewy eye desires,
For Death beckoned:

'Embrace the jar! '
And yes, she did –
For Death, of course.

After all, no other man would
Open up her hand and bid her with a kiss,
So Death became her bliss.

M.R. Slaughter


All I have to say is wow

The Pain I feel

The pain I feel is real
it haunts me every day
It makes it hard to breath
I just want it to go away

My pain I feel is unseen
I hide it day to day
I disguise it w a burn
and for a small while I feel ok

The pain I feel is constant
I hide it with a smile
I've taught my self to laugh
even thou I can barely walk a mile

The pain I feel inside
is locked up deep with in
I hide it from myself
I don't want the problems to begin

Ive mastered the pain I feel
or so I have thought
but the pain has resurfaced
the scares it has brought

I'm done with this pain
I don't like it anymore
I wish I could just live my life
with out it knocking at my door

someone please help me
to find myself again
this pain is starting to wear me down
cuz as of late all i can wear is a frown

Thanks for putting me back together

There have been countless times where living seems like too much work and not worth it at all but then I remember I have you guys in my life and it makes it all worth while. I love you guys!!! Thanks for showing me that it is possible to have good friends and that there are people out there who care and wont let you down. I've been thru hell and back and am finally starting to become whole again. So thanks to you guys cuz with out ya I know I wouldn't have made it this far.
:)

lovin it

I am seriously one lucky girl
I have a family that loves me
Friends that adore me
And haters who are just gunna hate
Im obviously doing something right
xoxo

yeah the memories still hurt but im done being sad

Yeah the memories still hurt but I'm done being sad
You clearly never cared but I'm done being mad
I have found enough strength in myself to move on
Yeah change is scary but the past isn't something to dwel on

Yeah the memories still haunt my dreams
But really I feel they were just a bunch of schemes
I am sick of feeling hurt alone n stabbed
But eventually all these wounds will scab

I am a much better person with out you
I lost myself for awhile but I suddenly feel brand new
Never again will I fall into this trap
I am strong and tough so I guess thank you for that

Ur an asshole

I think you're a fuckn asshole. I have never been anything but nice to you and concerned for you n all you can fuckn do is ignore me n say you don't have a problem. I think you should be a fuckn man clearly you have a prob with me cuz no decent human being would just ignore someone for no reason so man the fuck up n tell it to me straight what the fuck is your problem!!!!

you will never understand

I dont fully think you understand what you have done to me. You dragged me from my home ditched me and fucked my future roommate. Its extremely hard for me to forgive but I did and the very next fuckn weekend you came back to my town and completely and utterly fuckn ignored me like i wasnt worth fuckn shit. fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. I am devistated and scarred. you got out of this a fuckn girlfriend I lost my best friend. I trusted you with everything and told you so much about myself. It kills me how little you care. I hate myself because of how much a fool i was to allow myself to get so close to you. I have never been so beatn down in my life and i honsetly dont kno if i will ever fully recover. I hope you're happy you have completely destroyed my every being. never in my life have i been so scared of my thoughts and actions and it is all your fault. I hope you're happy.

HELP what happened to me

Help im falling into a dark place
this place i dont wanna be
my thoughts are extremely scary
and im worried about what im going to do
I hate this lost feeling
the alone terrified feeling
my tears are beginning to burn
and I just cant handle this pain
What happened to me
Im lost and alone
I have forgotten myself